Friday, April 24, 2009

sexy manes

If I could choose my dream job it would be doing editorial hair for photographers. Enjoy what I dub as, my muse.

I love everything about all of these snap shots.

solute to Gaga

Lady Gaga is bold to say the least... and I respect that, plus it's fun to look at.

For just coming on the seen, I feel like I have known her for years. Something oddly familiar about this one, but i just cant put my finger on it.

I stair at her grasping at who she reminds me of. It's almost like deja vu, it will come to me.

Gaga your great. Your music is catchy and makes me move,I love your hair, I look forward to how you can top your next outfit, and your not a crack addict...yet. ATTA GIRL!

offensive? I've seen worse

I really wish I knew someone who had this one them at all times. What a great conversation starter, no? If you have a chance look up Dana Wyse, or Jesus had a sister productions.

Monday, April 20, 2009

Your an embarresment to aesthetics.

We went to a nice, quite, little dance party recently. I, being the hermit that I am, has not been out frolicking since Autumn...hibernation set in with the snow. I was a bit caught off guard by what I saw, or maybe it was a shock to be anywhere outdoors. I'll blame the breezy's* anyways.

*Breezy- noun, refers to a woman who is a one night stand and knows it. More than likely the bar of moral standers is nonexistent. Typically has an orangeish hue to skin due to heavy makeup or fake tanning. Often is mislead to believe the way to make friends is through the bedroom/ backseat of your Honda/ middle stall of the bathroom/ behind the del taco. See- chicken head, floozy, hoe, skank.

Escort like, strappy heels where in abundance. Body glitter nearly blinded me. Hoochy, ill fitting attire as far as the eye can see. I have no idea what crosses peoples minds when they look in the mirror. How can you say to your self, "Yes, I'm bangin right now. Everyone is gonna love my cotton-polyester blend, yellow sequins, tube-top with no bra, and my knock-off hooker boots that I can't walk in. Yep, I'm ready for a night on the town. Just after I take a bath in this $1.99 body spray I got at wet seal." Are you aspiring to be in low budget adult films soon, or do you really just have not reverence for common decency.

The cheapest, trashiest, easiest, rudest, and the most unattractive woman where all there. Not that they were born unattractive, but somewhere along the line in learning about the make up, and chalk pastels in art class, the lines got blurred. They almost always make themselves look like a clown. That or a Tijuana prostitute. But it's your fault, you're the one holding that eyeliner like a crayola marker. I just call them as I see 'em.

How did evolution revert it's self? You answer to grunts and denim, man meat, rubbing on you during the most basic of song beats. They can circle around you, hoot and holar a lot, and it will make you dance like you have an epileptic fever, in the most gritty, dirty, filthy expositions of physical expression.

Dear floozy,

Here are my problems with the way you act.....
You always play dumb. Dumb is not attractive. Dumb is stupid, and unless you live in the Bay Area and are down with the Hyphy movement, dumb is a negative term. Hearing you speak is most entertaining part of my day. I will sit and bask in the glorious, uneducated, slow witted, naive, show that you put on. I love the purposely provocative topics you choose to bring up, the "not so discrete" innuendos are always welcome. Pardon me? But I feel like you have the intelligence of a fruit fly. Your a joke. I sit and listen and try not to make a mean/ shocked face, or giggle at the garbage that is spewing for your trap that is completely and utterly obscure. The best part about it is that the second you leave, they ( all the guys you were trying to seduce into your lady cave) all talk about you and laugh about how you can't carry on a conversation. So knock off the dits act and crack open a book, ill even settle for news radio, or the discovery channel. I know CNN would be to much to ask. Anything but the nonsense you are saying now.

I am not threatened by such creatures. Discussed, confused, outraged, and particularly annoyed. Yep, that covers it... Your selling yourself so short, your looks will only get you to the bedroom, after that you have nothing to offer. PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE help your self. I just feel bad for you.... well not all of you. But the ones that don't know better, save yourself. Have some class, some dignity. Confidence is attractive. Lets put a little more clothes on, and ditch the "desperate night wanderer" look. Lady's like you ruin and disease our gender's reputation.

Please go away you degenerates. Don't come around looking all loose, and talking all dramatic. Guys only like you because they don't have to buy you a meal to get to 3rd base.

Friday, April 17, 2009

Comferming what I already know

I don't like medicine. If you need it, sure take it, but more than not you can manage with out it. To many people are now babys, and can't handle anything themselves. No one has any coping skills and at the first site of pain, hardship, or trouble they go straight to the bottle, prescription that is. I have to tell you how I honestly feel, your pathetic. I met someone yesterday who has a 4 year old kid and was jonesing for Opana... You don't deserve a child you lowlife! People have become weak, and soft. Please grow up and deal with your everyday life. You don't have it hard, I guarantee you.

I could go on for hours about this... any who, I believe in natural remedies. Don't get me wrong, I will be the first in line to get shot up with an epidural before child birth. I think medicine is good, great, in fact. I also feel like it's over prescribed, over and misused and in some case does more harm than good.

I specifically try to by non-antibacterial soap. My children will never know the words "hand sanitizer." I feel like if we aren't exposed to Bactria then we will never be able to build antibody's to protect us from them. Thus crippling us for an attack from said germs. Plus, there have been reports that all the antibacterial soap we wash down the drain goes naturally down into the sewer, and the bacterial we are trying to fight against, grow tolerant and mutate. We basically just Effed our selves. So I'm not down with that, I sound a little nutty, I know.

I think everything we need has been provided for us, and there are natural remedees for almost everything. I said ALMOST, I would liek to restate, I'm not against meds.
My favorite cure all is Apple Cider Vinager: I drink one table spoon a day and it does wonders.

What are the Benefits of Apple Cider Vinegar?
Natural Apple Cider Vinegar is a wonderful natural cure for a number of ailments which usually require antibiotics and other medications that have a number of side effects. In particular, Apple Cider Vinegar has been known to:
Reduce sinus infections and sore throats
Balance high cholesterol
Cure skin conditions such as acne
Protect against food poisoning
Fight allergies in both humans and animals
Prevent muscle fatigue after exercise
Strengthen the immune system
Increase stamina
Increase metabolism which promotes weight loss
Improve digestion and cure constipation
Alleviate symptoms of arthritis and gout
Prevents bladder stones and urinary tract infections
Bad Breath
Age Spots

AND SO MUCH MORE! look it up, drink it up. its hard to choke down. And if you use it as an estingant like I do you'll smell like an easter egg for the night, but you get a rosey healthy glow in return.

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Perfect in Everyway

I am slightly Dyslexic, this is true. But I feel like its getting worse. I think it makes me quirky and give me character so I don't mind it.

Example one:
A few days ago I was trying to tell my new friends how to get some where late at night. They were acquaintances, going on to hopefully be my new best Friends. I naturally tried to impress them with my keen sense of direction, and knowledge of my surroundings.(Big mistake) We drove for an extra 15 minutes and the one I knew the least, called me a liar and questioned my character... Turns out I told them the EXACT BACKWARDS way to get there. Land marks were reversed, street numbers flipped. Lefts and rights completely opposite. I couldn't be able to do that if I tired.

Example two:
Dear ol' Phillip and I were driving one day and I was telling her how to get some where. I told her to turn left at the light and then at the "T" to Turn left. She turned Right at the light and Left at the "T". This was correct and what I intended the entire time. She pointed out that I said left for both, which made me curious that she got it right, when she had never been to our destination before. She stated that when I say left in a high voice, that means right. If I say left in a low/ normal voice that mean actual left. What an observant gal she is, since this has never been brought to my attention.

Example Three:
I called mummsie because my papa called me accidentally thinking I was her. He was trying to invite me/mama to Tina and Vince's- the best real Italian Sub shop I have ever been to. So I pass the word on to my fabulous mum to call dad back because he wants to go to Vina and Tince's....
"What?" my mother asks.
"Dad's at Vina and Tince's and wants you to meet him there." I reply.
"I don't know what that is, I have never heard of it." She responds.
"Yes you do! what are you talking about Vina and Tince's? Are you metal we go there all the time." I rant, slightly annoyed she doesn't have a clue what I'm saying.
Well to end it short I said Vina and Tince's about 9 times, switching the first letters of the words with out noticing. I do this with the words " the sick and needed." which gets flipped into, "Please bless the nick and seeded." I will try to catch it if I know its coming, and I end up squishing to words into one madeup word and slurring my speech. I will muffle it so no one hears, and say you must be going deaf so the person thinks its there fault :]This does not happen on a daily basis, but often enough to be bothersome.

Example four:
I never passed geometry in school. So one time I was helping the "train wreck" of an ex-boyfriend with his homework. You have to do it online, and submit it, and you get 3 tries to get it right for they will just make you do another question. But this math, I was positive I knew how to do. To say the least it kept coming up wrong, and wasting all our time, and I started to get really frustrated. Then I realized after about 45 mins to and hour or this, I was writing all the starting numbers backwards.... I was doing the math right, but with the wrong numbers. I do this all the time with times, phone numbers, street names, and especially dates.

There are many many more short stories as when my mind decides to humiliate me... but those can wait. The funny thing is I have a superb memory, I just can't always verbalize what I'm thinking. Or at least my mouth cant catch up with my witty comemantary going on in my head. I have good hand eye coordination, but my dancing skills are up for judgment. I say I prefer interpretive dance, you cant get away with murder if you say interpretive.

Here are some fun fact about Dyslexics for ya to expand your skull on the matter.

-1 out of 5 people suffer from dyslexia (See Yale Study).
-Only 30% of dyslexics have difficulty with reversing letters and numbers.
-Dyslexics do not "see" words backwards. Difficulty with word reversals are related to issues with sequential working memory.
-Dyslexia is a specific neurological condition that can be seen on a functional MRI that shows brain usage patterns (See Yale Study). Dyslexics have been shown to use the left and right front portions of their brains to read, while non-dyslexics use the left front and right back parts of their brains to read.
-Dyslexia affects a person's ability read and spell accurately because of memory and/or phonological awareness deficits and therefore requires cognitive and phonological therapy to treat.
-Dyslexia is evenly distributed among all ethnic, social, gender demographics.
-Dyslexia is equally prevalent in non-English languages.
-Dyslexia, like hypertension, can vary in severity.
-ALL dyslexics are of average or above average intelligence.
-Dyslexia and AD/HD are closely related and often mistakenly confused (see AD/HD) .
-80% of children labeled learning disabled are really dyslexic. (see Specific LD)
-All but the most severe dyslexics can learn to read at or above grade level.
-The most common manifestation is difficulty recognizing words. Poor oral reading characterized by substitutions, omissions, additions and reversal of sounds, letters, syllables or words is common.
-Recent studies indicate that dyslexia is particularly prevalent among small business owners, with roughly 20 to 35 percent of U. S. and British entrepreneurs being affected. Researchers theorise that many dyslexic entrepreneurs attain success by delegating responsibilities and excelling at verbal communication.[61]
-Many dyslexics have trouble with sequencing, i.e. perceiving something in sequence and also remembering the sequence.
-Spelling errors — Because of difficulty learning letter-sound correspondences, individuals with dyslexia might tend to misspell words, or leave vowels out of words.
-Letter order - Dyslexics may also reverse the order of two letters especially when the final, incorrect, word looks similar to the intended word (e.g., spelling "dose" instead of "does").
-Letter addition/subtraction - Dyslexics may perceive a word with letters added, subtracted, or repeated. This can lead to confusion between two words containing most of the same letters.
-Highly phoneticized spelling - Dyslexics also commonly spell words inconsistently, but in a highly phonetic form such as writing "shud" for "should". Dyslexic individuals also typically have difficulty distinguishing among homophones such as "their" and "there".
-Vocabulary - Having a small written vocabulary, even if they have a large spoken vocabulary.

Friday, April 10, 2009

It was just a Thursday

None of us wanted to go home, so then what you ask. Trespass onto the skate park. Say no more... We dinked around outside till about 3 and I got o bed around 4. I forget how much I love doing absolutely nothing, and how fun it is to watch the kids skate. One of the guys gave me his shoes (I was still hoofing it in the pumps) and I did the best I could trying to skate in Chuck Taylor flippers. This simple act has rekindled a want for a skateboard so I won't look so sad trying to do the most basic of skating fundamentals. So of course I would look to buy such an item. I feel like we have some contenders.

the picture is tiny sorry. It's a woman nurseing her child and there are cherubs in the clouds and standing by her. I approve.

I honestly think im going to buy this one. I love "the reader."

I would buy this Chinese woman deck in a heart beat. I starts are 5,395 clams though. I'll need to save my penny's and sell my soul before I will ever own this

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Solute to Paltrow

Gwyneth is, nice, and sweet, and sorta always there. I have never really follower her before, but what I have found has changed my perception. I'm digging it a bit, let me explain.

For one, she is wearing her hair like I do 64% of the time. Granted it looks a bit cleaner, but I count it.

Duex. we all know how I feel about shoes, and these are the cream of the crop.

3) She is the a fabulous Margot in my favorite movie.

Quatro, she dresses bomb, or at least to me. Again notice the shoes. I love the blue/gray/black hues we got going on( I haven't seen here wear any patterns.) Then the awesome purse. mmmm, yes please.

Fifth, porcelain skin that she's rockin.

rocko- This is just great, there is nothing else to say.

She just might have flown under my radar because she isn't plastered all over TMZ. But I'm liking what I'm seeing so far.

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

"I want the world, I want the whole world. I want to lock it all up in my pocket! give it to me now..."

A little solo from my favorite movie of all time... Willy Wonka and the Chocalate Factory. Buruca Salts gives us this little number.

Ohh, to have an unlimited budget *sigh. Let me show you what I would purchase with this factious idea that I cling to.

These amazing coach sunglasses would be the first.

A fantastic coffee table book, and I have wanted this one forever. Plus I'm a fan of over sized litterature ever since my roommate got me "Influence."

The no! no! is something that I have been wanting to try, and if I had no spending limit, that would be the oppertunity to do it. It removes hair, if you were wondering.

A limited Chanel bike with woven leather basket and seat would certainly be on the list.

This robot and child would be mine.

My favorite Pablo Picasso "don quichotte" would hang on my wall after this spree

I would finally have the means to buy myself friends/an entrouge, who by contract, must love me. Mean while, I would also come to own, many lavish and outrageous outfits.

I would definatly get all of these cupcakes, and the cakeplate they sit a top of.

An exotic pet is a must, I would dye for a tiny cheeta, even though, im not a fan of cats. But if that didn't pan out, a squrille nutkin would do.

If there was a special masculine type in my life, I would let him pick out a fabulous Tom Ford suit... at my disgeretion and approval of course.

Finally, an Paris flat to put all of my new items in. It must have sweet hard wood floors, and a bay window, nothing to nice. Just a lil piece of dirt to call my own.

So if you were ever wondering what to get me last minute for birthday/ Christmas/ valentines day/ you like me just that much... here's a short, very reasonable list for you to work with.

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Goals for the near furture.

I like puppies. They need me, they want me, they love me. This street goes two ways, I need them, I want them, I luff them. In the near future I shall be acquiring a k-9. I have already picked out there names, and the type, it goes a follows:

Frederik and Dieter

Boris and Natasha


I was told last night that you can get a note from a shrink claiming you need a animal as a comforting creature. Then you can show said note to your landlord and be aloud to have one live with you. HUZZZAAAAHHHH! I am in complete distress and need to psychobabble myself into ownership of a living animal as soon as possible. Its on my to do list.

If I never get married, I will dedicate my life till I achieve this woman's greatness